As I was writing out the scorecards at Preston GC, having arrived early before the rabble descended, I was apprehensive about my game. I had played on the Friday at H&P GC and, to be honest, it didn’t look much like golf, it was that bad. However, once the hoard had arrived, delicious bacon butties had been devoured and usual instructions had been given and given again, it was off to the car to get kitted out and prepare for battle.

Standing by the first tee and putting green, I could hear the various utterings of elite golfers – “has anyone got any Ibuprofen”, ” F**k these greens are fast” and, my favourite ” have we played here before?” We have, in August 2020, June 2021 and April 2022. The weather wasn’t looking good. It got very dark as the Captain led off the first group at the first, a 125 yard par 3. We watched Steve S sink a birdie putt, with the other two getting a par and bogey – nice start, let battle commence! I was in the penultimate group and my partners were raring to go. I put my tee shot onto the green, Curly put his just over the bunker, Larry into the trees and Mo close to the practice chipping green, it was going to be a slog!

After parring the tough 2nd, I was feeling confident, but as we went to the 3rd, the rain started to fall. It was fairly persistent and heavy right up to the 11th, but I had managed to collect 20 points on the front nine and started the back nine in similar fashion. We had caught up with the group in front on the 14th tee. This was a long par 3 with a highly elevated tee. Josh H hit an iron through the green, Rab C shanked to the right and hit the corrugated shed in the greenkeepers compound and no one landed on the green. My group did not fare too well either, me to the left of the green, Curly and Larry 20 yards into the crap on the right and only Mo managed to land a great shot onto the front of the green. Thankfully it was not the Nearest the Pin hole!

As we walked up to the 18th green, I knew I had a good score, but I really thought that someone would come in with over 40 points. Not so, my 38 points was enough to win. So, having just gained a shot before playing at Preston, my next game at Penwortham will see me 3 shots worse off! C’est la vie!

Thanks and congrats to our winner, Steve Clarke

For full schedule see; Preston

Long Drive – Les Norton

NP – Mark Murray

NP2 – Martyn Wilson

2’s – Steve Stuart, Mark Murray

For current League and Helix standings see Current Season.

See you all at the next event

I warmed up for this years society championship by belting through my yearly quota of DIY to appease the fact that I was leaving the wife to look after a 2 and 3 year old for near enough a week on her own.

Arriving at Liverpool airport I was greeted by Col stood at the bar with a beer in hand, 4 pints later and we were on the plane in good spirits, other than Frank who managed to sleep near enough the whole 4 hour journey. On arrival we swiftly made our way to the hotel where we were greeted with jeers from our adoring fans, most of whom had been awake since 3am , Martyn had even decided that he was going to cross the Runcorn bridge at 1:45am and then proceed to get the kids up at 2:00am.

Once in the hotel we sampled the delights of the buffet that apparently weren’t up to everyone’s standards, excluding Josh who tucked into multiple offerings including the seafood paella. Once finished we headed to the local sports bar for a few beers, and with the 3am club dropping like flies ended with a small group us out, but still back at a reserved 12:30am.

The next morning we heard rumblings that Josh’s paella had made a return visit during the night (nothing to do with the 8- 9 pints), who came down to the bus looking like he was at deaths door. Confidence in his ability to win apparently evaporated amongst voters as no-one backed “Paella Pete” for the win, but as we should all know, Josh is a man who can play golf when he’s ill, no matter if it’s self inflicted or otherwise, and to everyone’s astonishment he came romping home with the first day victory and a 1 shot lead.

The second evening was our first at what would become our local for the duration of the holiday, the Red Lion followed by Waxy O’Sheas, it was a reserved night for most other than a select few who ended up singing karaoke until the early hours. Surprisingly the second day winner came from this group of reprobates with Dan Foode taking the victory and closing the gap at the top.

The third evening was by far the most eventful, with both Kev and Frank requiring assistance back to the hotel after getting too giddy in the now established stomping ground of Waxy O’Sheas. It was my personal journey with Frank that I will long remember for a couple of reasons, one being carrying my beer all the way home, only to put in down on a wall for Frank to then knock over, the second and more entertaining being Franks bedtime, but that’s a story for another day. All that dealt with, I ran back to Waxy O’Sheas only to find that it had taken me 1.5 hours to get Frank home and the place was closing, Steve managed to procure me a sympathy pint and all was good.

Apparently the best way to prepare for a last day battle with Josh and Dan is described above, as I managed to play some good golf and fend off their charge. Shout out to Steve Davies for the third day victory and pushing himself up into the medal positions.

Thanks to Steve C for another great championship year, and to Lee for the entertaining presentations throughout, but most importantly to John Aylward for not being too shite which allowed us to win the doubles competition.

Hopefully see you all next year.

Thanks and congrats to our winner, Andy Davies

For full schedule see; Society Championship, Tenerife

Long Drive – Josh Hadden, Martyn Wilson

NP – Mark Campbell, Josh Hadden, Dave Hadden, Mark Campbell

NP2 – Josh Hadden, Josh Hadden, Andy Davies

2’s – Martyn Wilson, Josh Hadden, Andy Davies, Zach Jones, Josh Hadden

For current League and Helix standings see Current Season.

See you all at the next event

During the week I was preparing for FFGS by stealing confectionary from work. A few bars packed in my bag, a few stuffed in my pockets and a few shoved down my pants as I waddled to my car inconspicuously. All this risk to put a smile on the face of my beloved golfing friends. I expected comments like “you’re a very thoughtful young man”, or “thanks Si you’re a pal”. Instead John Aylward asked “what drinks have you got” and Dave Hadden shouted “not more of that salted caramel shite!”. Hundreds of pounds of product I have given away and all I have ever got back is one chocolate bar calling me a TOSSER and a series of complaints.

Luckily I had a great lift there with Frank and Kev, and a very fun and friendly round with Les and Bower reminding me that there are still some good people in this world.

During the round I asked Mike and Les what is the key to a happy and fruitful relationship , after a few seconds of thinking they both advised me to forget women and turn gay. After discussing this with my girlfriend when i got home, she thought it was best I remained straight for the time being.

The lack of serious golf chat helped me to relax and collect a few pars and take my first victory in years. See you all in Tenerife !

Fun fact: If I walked in after 2 holes then rob would have just beat me on a countback. *Sorry rob*

Thanks and congrats to our winner, Simon Davies

For full schedule see; Helsby

Long Drive – John Alyward

NP – Simon Davies

NP2 – Steve Stuart

2’s – Dan Witterick

For current League and Helix standings see Current Season.

See you all at the next event

I arrived at Fairhaven off the back of a mid table finish at Formby therefore it was fair to say I wasn’t really in a confident mood, that being said  FFGS competition days are always something to look forward to so I was raring to go.

With the announcement that two holes were closed and another was on a temp there were a few groans around the clubhouse, mainly those in the Matchplay who were trying to figure out handicapping adjustments.

I’d been fighting a big slice with my driver for some time, so stood on the first tee I was considering changing my grip, backswing take off, elbow position, tee height, face angle and aim, amongst other things, in an attempt to correct it. Thankfully whatever I did my drive went pretty straight upon which I realised that I’d gripped down the club a few inches, so I decided that was the new reason that I’d been slicing it and went with it. 3 shots later I’d birdied the first hole to the delight of an onlooking Simon Davies on the next tee, where we subsequently found ourselves waiting for what felt like the next 4,000 years.

Whilst waiting, Josh had been carefully planning his next tee shot and decided he’d take a bold line 30yds right of the flag and swing one back in; his next shot was a 30 yd approach from the right hand rough. Having not played with the big man for some time I was excited to see where he’d taken his game, but 4 holes and 2 points later I turned my attention to his Matchplay with Steve Stuart which was intriguingly close and went all the way to the last putt.

Pace of play was slow so it was difficult to get into rhythm, but I kept plugging away and with the flat stick doing some good work, kept putting points on the board (pun intended). Having come in a couple ahead of handicap I was pleased with my days work and thought I might have an outside chance of a win, fortunately I found myself on the right side a 3 way countback to take the victory.

Lowlight of the day was reaching the long drive hole having been striping my drives all day and proceeding to fully fat one about 100yds. To rub salt into the wound Josh managed to outdrive the marker with a contact that sounded like a wet fart and somehow held onto it to take LD, shame on us.

Cheers to Jonesey, Steve and Josh for a good days entertainment.

Thanks and congrats to our winner, Andy Davies

For full schedule see; Fairhaven

Long Drive – Josh Hadden

NP – John Nelson

NP2 – Simon Davies

2’s – Derek Dreaves, John Nelson

For current League and Helix standings see Current Season.

See you all at the next event

Well I’ve just read Josh’s write up for his win at Prestatyn looking for inspiration and immediately wished I hadn’t…….a tough act to follow!!

Like Josh, my society trip started on Saturday – sometime after 2am Saturday morning when I got home from a golf dinner, strangely enough with Josh. Mental note, don’t try and keep up with the young fellas!!

That put me off kilter for Saturday and still wasn’t feeling the best come Sunday morning, although a couple of hair of the dog Saturday night probably contributed to that!

On to the golf, going off in the 6th group of 7 on a cold Sunday morning isn’t the best preparation, and screaming ‘he’s 280 yards and waiting for the green to clear’ probably isn’t how Rory would prepare for his round.

That certainly didn’t help my start as I blobbed the 1st and somehow scrambled a 6 for 1 on the 2nd…..no idea how!! It also meant I was now 2 down after 2 in my matchplay and giving 13 shots, more of that later.

As we all know, golf is a strange game and I stood on the third tee and knocked one down the middle, four shots later I was tapping in from two inches for par. Three pars and a birdie helped finish off the front nine for 18 points.

More of the same on the back 9 until the 17th when I blobbed the shortish par 5 from nowhere after a good drive……it’s definitely a strange game.

Thought I might have missed my chance of a win but finished with 19 on the back 9 for 37 and took the honours. Taking the money and applause was almost as good as seeing the face on Si who was leader in the clubhouse for quite some time…..Computer Game Nello strikes again 😀

Oh, nearly forgot, did I mention the matchplay?? Managed to beat the Mighty Col Davies who was a recent winner at Berrington Hall.

Looking forward to Fairhaven and hopefully the handicapping gods will be kind to me……

Thanks and congrats to our winner, John Nelson

For full schedule see; Formby

Long Drive – Dan Foode

NP – Lee Hardy

NP2 – John Nelson

2’s – Steve Waddelove, Dan Foode, Paul Foode

For current League and Helix standings see Current Season.

See you all at the next event

For the first time ever my trip to a society Sunday started on Saturday. Mark Campbell hosted seven of us at his place in Conwy (thanks again Mark) and maybe it was this great preparation that led to some good golf. A few pints in the pub, a lovely meal out in Llandudno and a room avoiding Kirky and Paul Foode’s snoring! What more could you ask for? Maybe avoiding a second time watching Newcastle concede in the 95th minute on Match of the Day would’ve been nice but you can’t have it all.

I sadly missed Col’s win the month before (not that I would have seen it if I’d been there anyway, ask Father Christmas for a new abacus Col) but it was a joy to watch the great man tee off in the winner’s hat going out first with captain Lee. A scene not to be missed by anybody. Unless you are his youngest son who decided he’d rather fly to Tenerife that day and miss his Dad’s big moment. Then the long wait until my tee time in the final group. A trip to the putting green, the pro shop, back to the putting green, even a hit in the net (a first for me) and then back to the first tee just in time to see the first group reach the second hole. Time killing attempts were all in vain. I admitted defeat and ate my chocolate for the round before we even teed off.

All that said, there must be something in this warmup stuff. I started par, birdie, birdie and then had eight feet for birdie on the fourth. I duly missed the putt and came back down to earth but it certainly set me up for a good score. Dan Foode and I were level pegging most of the round but once we turned into the wind on the back nine a few blobs cost Foodey his chance at the win. Maybe he had taken his foot off the gas after winning in his matchplay (I won’t mention the score Rob) or maybe it was the two hours sleep he kept claiming he had from sharing a room with his Dad. I’ll let the Foode’s debate that between them.

It was a glorious December day and regardless of the level of play I don’t think we can ask for more than that at this time of year. Blue sky and a clear day’s golf on a lovely course. I walked in to the clubhouse greeted by a few congratulations so I thought I probably had a chance with my score but Mike Bower greeting me with ‘well that’s you out of Tenerife’ confirmed it for me. We’ll see about that one Mike.

Thanks again to captain Lee for another great presentation. It is quickly becoming a great feature of his captaincy. See you all at Leasowe (in the usual hurricane and hailstone I assume).

Thanks and congrats to our winner, Josh Hadden

For full schedule see; Prestatyn

Long Drive – Andy Davies

NP – Frank McGlynn

NP2 – Mark Campbell

2’s – Mark Campbell

For current League and Helix standings see Current Season.

See you all at the next event

I arrived at Berrington knowing there was lots of trees and water on the course and that a number of my normal rivals for the spoon were missing – I wasn’t hopeful. Having had a quality bacon barm and a cappuccino I headed for the first tee.

My group consisted of the old and the new: me and my winning Ryder cup fourball partner Phil, along with new member Rob and returning member young Michael. I managed to avoid the water off the first tee and was happy to get a 5. When the same thing happened on the second and third l realised something was wrong – the ball was going where l aimed it . I took the decision to use this to my advantage and started aiming where l wanted the ball to go. This strategy worked up to the SI 1 7th when the real Colin Davies returned!! I decided that l could play a 150 yard 6 iron over 40ft trees to a green l couldn’t see – blob !!

We continued with me and Phil watching Michael and Rob hitting 7 irons further than our drives while I told them I really am crap and don’t know what is going on. Phil has seen me play so just asked for a drug test. We completed the round and l was told l had scored 40 points and was runner up to a proper golfer Dan. I was happy with this and the 2 shot cut. The next day l was told that VAR was involved and I had scored 41 and won and was now going to get my second 6 shot cut. I said I was more than happy with second and a 2 shot cut but this was not allowed.

Before the round began it was pointed out that I had attended more monthly events since 2016 than anyone. The moral of the story is that if you attend most of the events for 8 years and never win anything you end up with such an embarrassingly high handicap that you have a chance!!

Cheers and see you all in god’s own country in December when I will be, once again, chasing the spoon.

Thanks and congrats to our winner, Colin Davies

For full schedule see; Berrington Hall

Long Drive – Rob Hodgson

NP – Dan Witterick

NP2 – Mark Murray

2’s – Dan Witterick, Simon Davies, Mike Bower, Lee Hardy

For current League and Helix standings see Current Season.

See you all at the next event

For the opening fixture of our 2024-25 season, we headed off to Nelson Golf Club located at the top of the Eiger! After the dousing at Mottram Hall in September and getting over the altitude sickness on the journey to Nelson GC, it was great to see the sun in a blue sky with only a gentle breeze greeting us. As we welcomed in our returning Captain Lee, after his last stint was ravaged by Covid, our new skipper decided he would introduce some visual aids to assist with our Prize holes this season.

Armed with new tee markers for the prize holes and new green & fairway markers, I had the honour of taking the first drive (in mandatory new head gear) as the winner of the previous event. Playing alongside Dave Hadden and a rejuvenated Frank McGlynn, we all hit good drives down the first, and then Messer Hadden Snr and McGlynn drove off down the fairway in their buggy leaving me to walk off alone like a Billy No Mates!

As we worked our way over the front the nine Dave and I hit a mix of good, mediocre and bad golf shots whilst Frank was playing like a demon on the first 7 holes racking up a sizeable points tally. As we continued onto the back nine Frank hit a bit of a wobble and developed the bunker yips on a couple of holes, which probably spoilt what would have been a fine round. Dave did his usual of hitting some erratic tee shots but then some remarkable second shots but didn’t seem to be able to find any luck on the greens. Personally, I saved my best until last. After hitting the trees (and nearly Andy D) down the left off the 18th tee, I had a 160yrd 6 iron into the green which I struck well and managed to win me the NP2 prize for the day!

Having to leave immediately after finishing the round, I was only aware late that evening that I had won the day, beating Andy in a countback. Surprised to also learn that Dave H had managed to land the Wooden Spoon with a score of 21 points. I think a new high bar had been set for the Spoon which I believe had Simon looking a bit nervous in the Clubhouse?

Congratulations to Josh for winning the 2023-24 Matchplay title over Dan Whit – a real Clash of the Titans event between two consistently good scorers.

Whilst it was a bit of a Trek getting there, I think all who attended agreed it was a great course with some stunning vistas and one definitely worth a repeat visit.

Thanks to Dave and Frank for a really entertaining day and really enjoyable company. Hope to see everyone at the annual Awards Dinner at Formby Golf Club on 1st November.

Thanks and congrats to our winner, Paul Foode

For full schedule see; Nelson Golf Club

Long Drive – Andy Davies

NP – Josh Hadden

NP2 – Paul Foode

2’s – Steve Clarke

For current League and Helix standings see Current Season.

See you all at the next event

Thanks and congrats to our winner, Paul Foode

For full schedule see; Mottram Hall – Captains Day

Long Drive – Matt Naylor

NP – Lee Hardy

NP2 – Josh Hadden

2’s – N.A.

For current League and Helix standings see Current Season.

See you all at the next event